Strange Dream

I have had so many dreams never make it to the conscious world.  But for some reason, this one stuck with me so I had to just write it down somewhere.  Hopefully you will be somewhat entertained.

Most of the dream takes place in the restroom of a huge football stadium.  It is coed, and there is an extremely huge line.  It is mixed between males and females because it isn't the same as when girls flock together to a bathroom.  It is a waiting area so you can catch up with your friends and family before going back to your section.  However, your section is based on your career path, and the doors to that section are actually portals to different parts of the world depending on what you are doing with your life.  So essentially, every time you enter the long bathroom line, you have accomplished a new goal that you were trying to achieve and receive a "break" to see others.

Now I definitely knew everyone in my dream, but some people were doing entirely different things with their lives (i.e. a teacher was a zoologist, etc.).  So that was kind of amusing.  Some people were doing their actual career.  I can't remember what everyone in my dream was doing, but we were all making small talk and encouraging each other when we met in the bathroom and before we went on our next adventure.

The last memories consisted of people rapidly cycling through so there was no wait in line anymore, and it was chaotic.  Randomly, my hairbrush was there, and I didn't want to carry it with me anymore.  I was planning to write my name on the back so no one else would touch it, but debating if I wanted to label it because it would look funny.  Then I woke up.  Why was that happening?  Not a clue.

So now I'm wondering what influenced this dream... a) I must be obsessed with football, b) the bathroom is a good place to relax?  c) I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life, and probably - d) as people get older, life becomes a total whirlwind, a place where it gets more and more difficult to just take a step back and breathe.

I'm feeling like that right about now.  When things seem to feel more optimistic and I can catch a break, something else comes up to remind me that I still have a lot of "figuring life out" to do.  I know that I shouldn't be spending my life looking forward to the future, but it is hard since the present has had it's hardships.

Maybe I'll just spend more time in the bathroom...

What gets me up in the morning

If you were to ask me this before summer started, it would have been my cats.  They like to wake me up when it is breakfast time, or if they see me open my eyes.  They also like to wake me up from my naps so I can give them attention.

But now, I wake up way earlier for my ASL class I take four days a week.  It is actually through the University of Washington so it is very convenient.  I go to class from 8:45am to 1pm, Monday through Thursday.  We experience total immersion; the classroom is a no talking zone.  I have already learned so many signs after the first week and am so excited to learn more.

I love the class, I love how we learn, and I really love the group of students that are attending.  They are all there to be able to expand the horizons of communication, and to learn about a new culture.  Everyone is so understanding and excited to be there just as much as I am.  ASL is such a beautiful language, and thank goodness I still have another 8 weeks.  After it is finished, who knows?  Maybe I'll continue the second year courses at UW. :)

A Small Accomplishment

This really isn't a big deal, but I got a poster into WikiSym 2011!  For those of you who don't know what it is here is a link: http://www.wikisym.org/ws2011/

And if you don't want to read the link, it is a conference about websites such as Wikipedia, and cool innovations  to make them more interesting, get others to become contributors instead of readers, etc.  Is there something in Wikipedia where you could see yourself making a contribution, or maybe a subject you want to add?

Papers are the way to go through graduate school (and get a job), but I will submit the paper version of this poster this fall.  The reason that this is so exciting is that it is the first acceptance while in graduate school!  I am happy they accepted my work in progress because they can see the value in my work.  I am so happy today!

A Real Vacation...

For the past couple of days I have been lucky enough to be on a vacation.  I spent the first day with my mom and going through things in my room and reminiscing about school and the past.  I really wish I could spend more time with her :(

The next two days have been spent at Neskowin, OR right on the beach with my Dad, Kris, and brother Bryan.  It has been beautiful watching the waves crash and just enjoying nature.  It really has been amazing for the most part to just kick back and relax.  I am glad that I will be seeing more of them this summer!

I wish I could have vacations like this more often.  I think at one point I said "I feel really lazy right now", and I was told "That's great!".  I need more positive reinforcement ;)

I hope people are taking advantage of the summer months ahead to be lazy.

I'm not giving up

Admittedly, the blog failed miserably, but I can explain why -

First off, I had all the symptoms of Norovirus, but I never checked with a doctor because I hate visiting the doctor.  I was stuck at home for days and it wasn't fun.  I finally traveled south to Corvallis since I hadn't eaten anything to visit college friends (so no opportunity to get sick on the road).  Five days later, I got home and was really burnt out about school.  Naturally, the next day, I got sick again.  I got "better" in time for the end of the term, and then got a sinus headache which kept me in bed for a while.  Needless to say, it has been frustrating being constantly sick for the better part of a month.  However, if this is the worst of my illnesses, I am pretty lucky.

The purpose of this post isn't for me to complain, but as you can guess, I wasn't really enjoying life for a while.  And yes, the question of whether or not graduate school is a healthy place for me has come up in my thoughts.  When talking to people about graduate school, everyone says you need a good enough reason to stay.  This confuses me though, because what is the golden reason?  Are there good reasons to pick from somewhere that I'm not aware of?  Is my reason socially acceptable, or will you just listen to me skeptically and think I'll quit in another year?

You know what my reason is (and believe me, most of the time I can't come up with one)?  It just feels right.  I honestly think that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now.  I think that if I were to quit I would really regret leaving behind the opportunity I have right now laying in my hands.  But I guess, the only person that this reason needs to fulfill is me.

This logic holds true for other things, like why you live the way you do, your relationships, your friends, and how you work through hard times.  The past month or so has been a hard time for me, but I'm ready to move on and keep tackling life, without needing the validation of others.  And being happy.

But - I can't forget how sick I have gotten solely from stress, and I think that there are some life changes I need to make soon or I might just not be able to survive a graduate program.  I am identifying that the lack of structure in grad school allows me to either a) work, or b) do something for fun and feel guilty the entire time.  In fact, I very rarely take a break for myself without feelings of guilt.  This has got to change.  I swear the bottomless pit in my stomach and mental strain has caused me to get as sick as I did, and be unhappy.

So my challenge to myself is to eradicate this stress, and not give up.  Not give up on being happy, finishing school, or this blog.  I'm not done yet.

Bliss

Here are some reasons why I am happy today:

1.  I had trouble sleeping last night, so somehow placing my head at the foot of the bed worked.  Apparently my kitties don't like pillows, because when I woke up they were both sleeping right next to my head.  It was so precious.

2.  The sun was shining in my window this morning.  I even got to go to class outside and get some color.  It is crazy that Seattle FINALLY decided to be sunny again.

3.  My boyfriend was kind enough to call Comcast on my behalf and reduce my bill by $40 a month!  I mean, Kyle is a boy's name right?  Thank you Vincent for doing the dirty work.

4.  Today was our hardest running workout thus far, which means I got to run for 15 minutes at my old workout pace before being injured.  With the intermittent sun and shade patches, greenery, and a trail full of runners and bikers, I honestly can't remember the last time I felt this happy.

5.  I got my car back.  There was a scare that I would have to get rid of it because I couldn't afford the fixes anymore.  My mechanic was amazing and gave me a deal (w/o me asking) so I was enjoying my car with the window down today.  If anyone is curious about a great Volvo repair mechanic go to Larson's Volvo Repair on 73rd and Roosevelt.  I will always go there until I move away from Seattle.

6.  Since I have my car back, I can still do Shari's days (Wednesday).  For those of you who don't know, Shari's is a 24 diner place that gives you a free slice of pie on Wednesday.  We have become regulars there, for better or for worse, and now we can continue our tradition :)

Anyway, hope everyone is well.

One of the coolest feelings...

I am a computer scientist and I do research in HCI, or Human Computer Interaction.  In a nutshell, it is researching how to make computers of all sorts (laptop, desktop, phones, etc.) more compatible with people.  Basically making people's lives easier and more enjoyable, and allowing people to get more out of technology.  This has been my interest for years since I really love working with technology, but at the same time interested in how people think.

CHI is the #1 conference for people who do research in HCI; it really is the place to be.  In the past, I was never able to as an undergraduate, because you can't really afford to.

But now, as a first year Ph.D... I am finally here!  I am in beautiful Vancouver, B.C. until this Thursday and I am loving it.  Yes it is insane with 3000 people and so many options of talks to attend, but it is the coolest experience ever.  I am so thankful that I can reunite with old friends, make new ones, learn about relevant information straight from the source, and on top of it all - it is completely free.

Graduate school is definitely a gift.

But really - here is more on HCI - check it out :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human%E2%80%93computer_interaction

Take good care of yourself: Part 2 "Knee rehab"

Well, after making a few small changes in my life, I'm happy to say that there is hope for me running again!  I thought I would talk to you about what I am doing, and perhaps make a couple of sales pitches in the process.

For starters, I do about 45 minutes of stretches and strength training a day just on my IT band.  It takes up a lot of time so I don't do them as much as I should.  I also get bored easily standing around doing stretches which are slightly painful, so I have started a habit of playing bejeweled since a phone is easy to carry around.

In addition, I found this amazing tape online called KT Tape (http://www.kttape.com/).  It is the greatest thing ever; you can use it for just about any injury, and their website actually has instructions for each type of injury.  They even have two sets of instructions for ITBS, one in general and one for runners.  After quickly browsing, I knew that this stuff was the real deal.  It also lasts 2-3 days and is really durable.  Forgive my appearance, but this is what my leg will be looking like for the next few months at least...

At least it can sometimes match my outfit ;)

How does the tape get there?  It is thanks to my awesome boyfriend Vincent because he is willing to take time out of his day to do it for me.  Putting it on myself would be really awkward due to the angle, if not impossible.

The last thing I'm doing?  Running of course!  But - way slower than I'm used to.  I am actually training for the Brew Ha-Ha 5K this September (http://www.fremontoktoberfest.com/brewhaha5k.html).  This way I can run a 5K and grab a beer afterwards!  I am actually training with Vincent, and it is his very first 5K.  It is a lot of fun working out with him and I think it is a good combination.  Since I'm training with someone else, it keeps me in check to not run too aggressively (like I did last June), and he is getting better at running every day.  But he has no problem keeping up with me at all - I just like to give him pointers so he enjoys it more.

I know this is working because I'm not experiencing any pain while running and maybe a little bit of pain afterwards and only on random days.  It is getting better and better and I'm super excited.  One more product  pitch -

Ever done pace training before and always looking at your watch?  That can be annoying, but thanks to my sister I can now have someone tell me through my headphones to speed up and slow down.  Adidas has this cool little device called a miCoach:

This comes with a foot sensor and a heart rate sensor.  On the back is a clip to hook to your clothes.

This device allows you to plug in your Mp3, so you can listen to music and it will automatically lower the volume to tell you commands.  The miCoach keeps track of your pace with the foot sensor and simply tells you to speed up and slow down.  It also keeps track of your calories, distance, heart rate, and whatever else you want.  They provide really comprehensive plans with legit workout schedules - all sorts of distances, paces, etc. with each week containing a long run, speed run, and tempo run.  I have been using it and it is extremely easy to work with.  Rave reviews from me anyway!

So in summary - some work involved but really happy!

Case of the Mondays

I definitely had a case of the Mondays when I first woke up today.  I had three alarms set on my cell phone for 7:05am, 7:10am, and 7:15am.  This way I would make sure to get ready for school and drop my car off at the shop along the way.  I had given myself plenty of time just in case of traffic, bus delays, getting breakfast, and maybe even getting some work done before school.  However, I got to sleep at 2am last night and my phone volume was really quiet and - naturally, I missed all three alarms.

It is now 9:05am.  I woke up and started freaking out and running around like a crazy person changing as fast as I could, thinking how my day is now ruined, and feeling terrible.  However, when I ran out the door, I was on a mission and my mind just kind of released for a second.  And things went surprisingly well.

I somehow avoided traffic completely which never happens.  Then the stress of finding a place to park on the street was mitigated because there was a huge gap which also never happens at this time of day.  I was able to drop the key off and instead of waiting for a half hour, caught the earlier bus, but only because it was running late.  I was able to get my morning work done on the bus and in my office, have plenty of time to get breakfast and get to class on time.

It is funny how these things work.  I was super lucky, and I don't think I have a case of the Mondays anymore.  The only thing I really missed out on was a shower (ewww).  In fact, in the grand scheme of things, this really wasn't that big of a deal at all.

I know I'm not alone in having these moments where we just flip out over the little things.  I keep trying to stop but it is hard because frankly, I have that kind of personality.  I have gotten better over the years though - I realize this and at least reflect later that I shouldn't have gotten out of sorts as I did.  But I always try to improve anyway, and maybe in the future I can stop myself in my tracks, because negative energy for something as little as sleeping through an alarm just isn't worth it.

This attitude shift can do everyone some good, because your "bad" day might just be a good day after all.  I hope everyone has a great Monday!

PS - Will write about my knee soon.  Good progress to follow!

Take good care of yourself: Part 1 "The mistake"

Something I learned the hard way, unfortunately, is that you should always take good care of yourself.  In fact, it took me almost a year to really figure this out.  Today, I am starting to trend in the right direction and am hoping it will pay off in the long run.  Okay enough of the ambiguity - time to give the background.

On June 26, 2010, I ran my very first marathon at the Seattle Rock n' Roll Marathon.  I had done plenty of long distance running before (starting at age 10) and I even ran a fast half marathon on November 21, 2009 smashing my goal time (1:51:42).  I felt more than ready for this race.  I trained properly, peaked properly, followed the workouts like I should, and was mentally ready to get out there and do well.  So I started well and kept on a pace that I knew I could finish, knowing that I like to run negative splits (each mile gets faster) and that I could try and pull off a good time.

At around mile 11, I felt a pain in my left knee.  I ignored it initially because like most pains I have experienced while running, they go away and never come back.  It was still hurting at around mile 14, but the pain was much stronger.  I was so determined to keep running (w/o stopping) that I actually limped the entire rest of the race.  That's right, I kept my left leg completely straight and used my right leg like normal... not a good scenario.

At mile 23, a paramedic decided to ask me if I was okay (the obvious answer being "no"), and I of course just said "yes I'm fine".  She wasn't persuaded and asked if I wanted to go to their station, to which I was like "I only have 3.2 miles left I'm just going to finish" and kept on running.  Right after that, I saw someone nearby completely passed out and going into an ambulance and I realized I had made the right decision; there were other people who needed medical attention way more than I did.

In the end, I hobbled some sort of sprint and finished with a time of 4:30:00... and considering I spent over half of the race limping that wasn't too bad.  Right?  But that didn't matter - I got this super cool medal for finishing, and some dignity knowing that I finished one of my hugest lifetime goals (set that goal at age 13).  

Here is the medal more zoomed in.

Now, as you can imagine, the pain is searing through me but I was so happy for finishing that I just didn't notice.  I wound up walking around Pike's Market until I just couldn't take the pain anymore and it was impossible to take another step without uncontrollable tears. I slowly got to my car, drove home, took a bath, and slept.

The aftermath?  I couldn't bend my leg for 2 weeks, or use stairs for an entire month... oops.  I eventually went to the doctor and it turns out I got Illiotibial Band Syndrome (ITBS).  Sadly, I stopped running for months with some spurts of 5Ks just to see if I was capable of running without pain.  Even today, I can't run without pain, and FINALLY decided I should do something about it (because I can't not run anymore).

Being a runner, the healing process intrigues me especially when I have a vested interest in running again.  So, if you are oh so curious to see how much time and effort my "kneehab" will take, just wait until my next blog :)

Ain't It The Life

I have thought about writing a blog for a long time.  I have thought about writing about my path to graduate school and using it as a resource for people applying in the future.  I also thought I would document training for my marathon to look over the fond memories of running and the milestones reached.  I could use it to write about the everyday happenings of my life and use it as a journal.  But what really motivated me to start this blog is because it is a good place to pour all types of thoughts I have while going through life.  In fact, I already have so many ideas of things to write about, with no coherent meaning, that probably the hardest part of starting this blog was thinking about the title.

I thought I would pick something out that would have multiple meanings since that would reflect a lot more about myself.  I don't normally say "ain't" on a regular basis, but somehow, I really feel like I have made a good life for myself.  Even though graduate school can stress me out, I really hope that my happiness and energy is contagious to others.  I am almost done with my 1st of 5 (or 6) of graduate school and I really couldn't envision myself anywhere else.  Well... maybe somewhere warmer.

The second meaning to my blog title - it is one of my favorite songs by the Foo Fighters, my #1 band of all time.  This song takes me to the ocean with warm sand and palm trees, and I'm just sitting washing the waves crash as the sun sets in the horizon.  Now to me that is the life, but for now I will just reside in Seattle and blog about my random (hopefully intriguing) thoughts and goals.  Hopefully you will like what you see.